Author Archives: ameliaflorencesimmons

Defence Against the Dark Arts

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Aka, you can just call me ‘Miss Manners’.

I’ve been planning this blog post for a while, because the problem I’m describing has been particularly rife recently. Or perhaps I’ve just reached the end of my tether with it. There’s something about this particular issue that really gets under my skin. Now, I’m not one to generally write complain-y, miserable posts, and this isn’t really going to be one of those. I’m going to tell you about my issue, which might be your issue too, and then I’m going to suggest a couple of ways of dealing with it.

My issue is one that should be so simple to remedy, and yet it appears to be getting worse and worse, and it’s this: people not replying. I’m talking about everything here; texts, emails, phone calls, Twitter, Facebook. And when I say ‘not replying’, I don’t mean Tweeting some overwrought celebrity with 5 zillion followers who quite obviously doesn’t have the time – I’m talking about friends. And just to clarify further, I don’t class ‘not replying’ as someone who takes a day or so to reply, and then says ‘sorry’: that, in my eyes, is fine. We’re all busy people. Egocentric as I am (I’m not really), I don’t expect my friends to be sitting around just in case I text them, so they can reply straight away.

To take the time and effort to call somebody, or even say something on a social networking site, takes some percentage of thought on your part. I think it’s exceptionally rude when that isn’t reciprocated. Why is it, in an age where it’s never been easier to talk to people, we can’t really communicate with them properly? Perhaps because there are so many different ways of getting in touch, we don’t think we have to make any particular effort? Perhaps we’re too comfortable with the knowledge that we can always get in touch with people? We know that we’ll always get a second chance at communication?

I say ‘we’ because I’m sure I’ve done this. Looked at my phone, and gone ‘I’ll answer later’, and then completely forgotten. And ok, that’s sort of alright if you do it once or twice then apologise, but it’s not really. Why didn’t I just reply straight away? Let’s face it, chaps, it only takes a few seconds to send a text, doesn’t it? By not sending one, what are we saying? ‘Yes, I know we’ve been friends for years, I’ve cried on your shoulder, we’ve danced all night, we’ve laughed our heads off at terrible films, but ultimately I can’t spare half a minute on you right now, because I can’t be bothered.’

I’ve worked hard to not be that person, and to always try and reply to things as I receive them. If I don’t, it’s because I’m somewhere I can’t reply, like work. Or deep sea diving. And I have friends who have certain demanding schedules which means they won’t reply until a certain time, and that is all fine, because I take that into account. But the more I’ve reformed myself and seen how easy it is just to keep on top of things, the more irate I’ve become at people who don’t extend me that same courtesy. There aren’t many – after all, I wouldn’t call them friends if they systematically refused to talk to me, that would make me insane – but the few who do it are enough to put me in a bad mood all day.

I think it’s rude, careless and unpleasant to not reply. After all, who do you think you are, Madonna? Not replying is saying ‘my time is more precious than yours’, or even worse ‘you just aren’t worthy of a response from me’. I’ve been long plagued by one particular offender, who has always exhibited the trait. Fine to reply when it’s convenient for them, but they’d have long periods of just ignoring my attempts at communication. That isn’t normal behaviour. I have some of the most wonderful, kind, thoughtful and generous friends, so why would I want to pollute my social pool with people who deem me not important enough to reply to? I’ve talked to a lot of people lately who’ve experienced the same thing. I think most of us have had it at some point (in the same way that most of us have done it ourselves.) I’ve reached my tolerance limit with it. Like I said, I have enough decent and charming friends to not worry about losing the rare few who aren’t so delightful.

So that’s the rant. But what can you do about it? I’d say there are two prongs of attack:

  1. Be a good replier yourself. Be considerate. Apologise if you are replying after a few days. Remember that just because you see someone’s name on Facebook every day doesn’t mean you’re in direct contact with them every day. The problem with social media is that you feel immersed in the lives of others, even if you’re not actually talking to them. So talk! Hear the news from their mouths, not their feeds!
  2. Implement a ‘strike’ system. If it’s a good friend, I’d say give them three strikes, and then raise it in a jokey but not aggressive way. With any luck, they’re realise they’ve been a bit ropy and apologise, and be a little better in future. If it happens again a few times, have a bit more of a serious conversation. If someone is an acquaintance as opposed to a friend, I’m afraid I’ve started being a bit ruthless now. My opinion is just ‘sack them off’. You know my favourite phrase by now: life’s too short! Don’t waste time on anger, and on people who aren’t worthy of you!

Be decent and hopefully those around you will be decent too. Be an adult and take responsibility of your relationships. Be kind (rewind). I think we should all make 2012 the year when we, as a whole, clamp down on non-repliers. Let’s create a community where we respect each other, and value each other. Where we don’t leave people in the lurch. Where we reply to event invitations and stick to them. Where we keep promises, and keep in touch. That, my friends, is the Promised Land.

Peace out.

Amelia xx

Vogue SAB Challenge 1: A is for Apps

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So here’s the first instalment of my Vogue Secret Address Book Challenge! The original brief is poking round on the site somewhere, but I’m essentially taking on Vogue’s Secret Address Book, letter by letter, and engaging with/going to/doing at least one thing from each section. I’m starting with A (obviously!), and this is my first challenge, Apps. Vogue reviewed a selection of apps, so I selected three of them and explored them myself. So without further ado, bring on the apps!

Fancy, Free

So, what is it? Oh, this could have been so ace. I was on the road to giving it a rather good rating, but unfortunately due to a glaringly bad feature, I can’t recommend this to anyone. Put simply, ‘Fancy’ is a spectacularly frivolous app where you click on various user-submitted photos, to ‘Fancy’ them. Fancy is a brilliant word, so I was already partially sold on the idea, and even though it was deeply vacuous (if you’ll excuse the oxymoron), I very much enjoyed it. Having had a rather draining day on Tuesday – read my ‘Endings’ post to know why – I was deliriously happy just clicking on silly pictures of planets made out of chocolate, and baby polar bears, and Prada shoes, and all sorts of ridonculous but good things.

Fancy App

The Good: If you’re halfway through War and Peace and you need to give that brain a break, there is something strangely compelling in just immersing yourself in a world far removed from things like news headlines and reality TV. You can create your own sort of ‘bubble’, filled with lovely things. Ok, it’s not going to win a Nobel Prize, but it’s fairly satisfying.

The Bad: I’d already started constructing a positive review in my head as I shut down the app and logged onto Facebook. My jaw dropped open. What the hell were all these posts allegedly from ME, telling people that they, too, might ‘Fancy’ the things that I’d liked? I kid you not, there were about 23 posts apparently put up by ‘me’, featuring a little picture of the thing I’d liked, and making me look like an insane toddler. My friends think I’m sitting at home reading novels and being all cerebral, ok, stupid app! Now they know the ghastly truth – that I’ve been loafing around in bed ‘Fancying’ puppies! It happened because I logged in with Facebook, so my fault, but there’s no way you can turn that feature off.

Oh, and that’s another thing. There is something very uneasy-making about looking at a photo of a bird or a cat and clicking ‘Fancy’. You have to try it to understand.

The Bottom Line: I was going to give this app a good score, until it made me look like an utter twat in front of my Facebook friends and ruined my intellectual cred. Now the world has seen me for what I truly am – a tiny step up from the ‘I just really, really love cats’ YouTube girl.

Score: 2/10

 

Flipboard, Free

So, what is it? Essentially, an app that creates a little iPhone sized magazine for you. It’s a magazine that you yourself curate – and by curate, I mean you just jab your finger at things you like the look of. You choose from a selection of online publications, and I opted for everything from Glamour to some random blogs.

The Good: You get to gather together a whole host of ‘stories’ from across the net, to make sure you’re getting things that interest you personally. It’s engaging, and you could spend hours ploughing through old stories and posts from your sources. There’s a mine of information that you can collect together in one place, so if you often find yourself trawling all over the net for different stories or articles, you could save a lot of time. It’s nicely laid out and fairly easy to navigate, and the most satisfying thing is the ‘flipping’ action you make as you turn to the next story.

The Bad: It’s pretty much US-oriented, so not a great deal of content that is necessarily relevant to us UK-dwellers. I think on an iPad it would be glorious, but on the iPhone, it’s all a bit overwhelming and you have to keep readjusting the size of the screen to different stories. The other thing I disliked, but which is insurmountable for obvious reasons, is the fact that it has to connect to the net to load the stories. If you haven’t got amazing signal, it gets very frustrating very quickly, and also makes me think I can hear it eating up my data allowance.

The Bottom Line: Enjoyable enough, and lead me to discovering a couple of great new blogs, but ultimately not something I’d probably look at on a regular basis. There’s almost too much to see, and ploughing through all the stories seems like more of a chore than a pleasure.

The Score: 6/10

 

Skywatch, £2.49

So, what is it? It’s a very user-friendly star charting app, whereby you just open the app up, point it in a direction and see what’s up there. You can find where planets are, the names of the constellations and where they are, and you can find out what’s exactly above your house!

The Good: I’ve long since been interested in astronomy, and I used to dream of getting a proper telescope. But I also haven’t been blessed with endless amounts of patience, so I think I might have struggled to really map the stars and work out what they all are. Go Skywatch resolves this by actually overlaying an image of the constellation across the line of the stars so you can work out why exactly that random group of lights is called a bear, or scales, or a hunter. It’s just so inordinately pleasing as a piece of technology that you’ll be thrilled to use it.

In my opinion, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes an iPhone an outstanding development in the world of technology. You can keep flinging pigs at some birds, but I’m going to stick with innovations like this (and maybe the odd cute puppy, ahem hem). It’s a pleasure to use, extremely easy to understand and get started with, and you can put in as much as you like. If you want to make your own star maps on paper, you could.

The Bad: I have very little criticism to offer. I balked at the price, because I’m pathetic, but really? £2.49 is a bargain for this app. The only thing I would say is that perhaps it makes it too easy. You don’t need to work at finding out what things are, it just says them. But that’s really my only concern.

The Bottom Line: I think you should go and download this app straight away. It’s tremendously exciting and absolutely beautiful.

The Score: 9.5/10 (Actually, it might well be 10)

Endings

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At times, the end of something is welcomed. Maybe it’s finally the end of an exam that you’ve been dreading for months, and you can’t wait just to burst out of those double doors and spill into the fresh air, laughing and relieved with your friends. Other endings are not so longed-for. The end of university, for example, or the end of a book you’ve loved. Some endings are a strange combination of both.

My own personal ending occurred today, and it was a combination of relief and a jot of sadness. If you know me, or follow me on Twitter (@ameliafsimmons if you don’t, ahem….) you’ll most likely know to what I’m referring. If not, you’ll probably be able to fill in the blanks. The thing which ended had dragged on long past any sort of reason. It was something that I should have ended a long time before, but that I let drift on and on, knowing I was unhappy with it. I won’t go into details at the moment – perhaps I’ll talk about it someday as an example, but while I keep a blog, I don’t like to let ALL of my intensely personal details hang out on t’interweb.

So I’ll be brief. The Thing that ended was something that ate away at my confidence, made me increasingly miserable, and was the cause of heaps of sleepless nights. There was something in my life that was both wrong and upsetting, and it was wholly within my control. The Thing in question was something that I thought I could make better, just by willing it so, and working hard at it. I worked insanely hard. I did everything I could to maintain the Thing, but it collapsed all the same. It partially collapsed because I wasn’t being myself, and I wasn’t sticking up for myself. Seriously – if you don’t stand up for yourself in life, why should anyone else? My friends had tried, telling me to do something about the Thing, and that I was worth more, but I never did.

I wasn’t being true to myself, and I wasn’t being brave. Bravery is a hugely underrated concept in society today. Bravery is not necessarily nurtured or encouraged, and yet it is vital. Whether you are brave in terms of quitting a job that you hate to start your own company, brave in ending a relationship  – either platonic or romantic, or brave by singing in front of a room full of a people, it’s something that you need to do. The New Year is the ideal time to make such a change. A fresh start, a lack of associations, and a bit of Dutch courage combine to make us stand up for what we believe. That problem we put up with in the Old Year can be changed. It can be sorted out, or vanquished completely. Now, I strongly believe in working at things and not just quitting. But if a situation has gone far past something you can redeem, then you need to take action.

I’m writing this blog not because I feel like weeping into a keyboard. I don’t. I feel like Wonder Woman. You can too, but you have to be brave first. Yes, it’s terrifying. And you’ll be able to come up with a hundred reasons why you shouldn’t do anything and you should keep ploughing along in the old way. Make another list of reasons for why you should deal with the problem you’ve been putting off, and if it outweighs the other list, then you have no choice. I am encouraging you – no, imploring you – to make that big change. Stop being sad. Stop having sleepless nights and feeling bad for yourself. Stop the pain and the worry. Take charge, take control, be a Man, be a Woman.

It might hurt at first, but you have to trust me when I say that it WILL get better. If you know something in your life is wrong, you have a duty to yourself (and others, actually) to untangle it. In fact, you might be surprised how it feels. If you’re anything like me, you’ll have been feeling so sad and so bad about it for a long time that alleviating it actually takes a huge weight off your shoulders.

So start the New Year with a fresh perspective, feeling proud of yourself. Start thinking about how you’ll feel if you’re still in the same situation this time next year. If it’s going to hurt, then start dealing with the pain now to give yourself a better life in the near future. If you start to care about yourself and trust in your own decisions, you’re already on the road to being happy. And really? You should be happy. Because you deserve it. And because life is too short to do anything else.

Love to you all,

Amelia xx

P.S. This will be the first and last time I talk about my personal life (albeit in a VERY roundabout way) on this blog!

Time Won’t Let Me Go/Believe

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A Bravery double bill!

Just a quick one, because I’m shortly heading off to my new job role (eek!) and am trying to adjust to being up and actually having to put proper clothes on, etc. I woke up with the first song in my head, without really knowing why. There’s something so sad about this song, despite the fact that it’s actually fairly upbeat. I remember listening to it years ago, stretched out on the grass in the garden in blinding sunlight, and waiting for my own life to ‘start’ properly. The song really struck a chord (sorry!) with me, this feeling of not really having experienced life, just having ‘watched it all on TV’. Of course, that all changed at uni, but listening to the song again I can still feel that twinge inside of me telling me to get up, get out and do something.

The second song is ‘Believe’. I’m absolutely crap at listening to proper ‘unhappy songs’. I get terrified if something is slow and wail-y and just has a guitar. I don’t like cathartic music and am generally wont to listen to some very upbeat stuff at times of emotional crisis. ‘Dry Your Eyes (Mate)’ is about as far as I’ll go into break up music. Nope, it’s time to sweep it all under the carpet and move on. The Bravery combine some very bleak lyrics with catchy, upbeat tuneage, which suits me perfectly. Believe is a fantastic song, and you should definitely acquaint yourself with it.

So, a happy Tuesday to everyone, have a good day back at work, and good luck battling the wind and rain!

Amelia xx

NY Resolution Challenge: January

Posted in Challenges, Positive Thinking by
As I’ve commented before, I like to set myself ‘challenges’ as my New Year’s Resolutions, instead of ‘give up this’, ‘avoid that’. To really help keep me on track, I’ve decided to go public with my plans. I’ve also chosen to break the challenges down into months, so I’m obviously starting with January and work from there. I think New Year’s Resolutions mostly fail because you’re setting yourself goals to last the entire year, meaning you couldn’t really check anything of your list properly until the year was up! And for someone who lives to check thing off lists, that would absolutely destroy me.
Here’s my list of goals for January. Some are more self involved than others, but I’m just getting started. At the end of the month, I’ll post this list again and see how many I can check off. Of course, this isn’t just about me and my plans, but please feel free to get involved. What are your goals? Comment or tweet me at @ameliafsimmons. 
  1. Try a completely new fitness class
  2. Exercise 6 days a week
  3. Read at least 2 books of some merit – no chick lit!
  4. Keep to my newly devised blogging schedule
  5. Apply for membership of the Royal Society of Literature
  6. Attend a late night at the V&A
  7. Attend a talk/lecture at the V&A
  8. Do something wholly to benefit someone other than myself
  9. Submit a piece of my writing with the aim of getting it published
  10. Listen to a whole album by an artist I’ve never listened to
  11. Learn a new song on my ukulele
  12. Visit a bar I’ve never been to in London
  13. Start my Vogue Secret Address book challenge
  14. Draw something
  15. Stop procrastinating and design and order my business cards
  16. Throw a dinner party

Top 8 misery-busting movies

Posted in Culture, Films & TV, Positive Thinking by

I always find the start of the New Year a bit strange. You’ve built so many high hopes for the year, made your resolutions, started making plans, decided you want to completely change the way you do everything. And then January 1st rolls around and it just feels like any other day. In fact, if you’re like me, it feels like a day where you need to drink gallons of orange juice and lie in bed to exorcise your hangover. The very, very New bit of the New Year can leave you feeling a bit…lacklustre. It might be a bit hard to get motivated, or you might be easing yourself in gently.

Then of course there’s the fact that both Christmas and any New Year’s celebrations are now officially dead and buried. You might have spent months planning them, and suddenly it’s all in the past, and all you’ve got left are heaps of out of focus photos and a red wine stain on your carpet. It’s highly likely you might feel just the tiniest bit down as the New Year dawns. Now you’ve actually got to start doing those Resolutions, instead of just whacking them optimistically down on paper. Days with nothing to do stretch out, but it’s still getting dark early. Maybe you’re going back to school, university or work. That 2000 word essay you’ve put off is due next week. You’ve got to do your tax return. You really must join the gym.

With that in mind, I’ve popped together a list of my favourite ‘misery-busting’ films. They might not be what you’d find on a standard Top 10 Happy Films list, but they work for me. Some are uplifting, some are just pure comedy, and some feature Catherine Deneuve kissing a woman and singing. Actually, that’s just one. Read on to find out which. Anyway, with the nights still dark and the year still very much newborn, why not update your Lovefilm list with some of the following:

  1. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off – There was no question that this was going to be the keystone of my list. In my opinion, FBDO is not only my favourite film of all time, but the perfect film to watch when you’re feeling a bit ‘at odds’ with life. Every time I see it, I fall a bit more in love with Ferris and his limitless optimism. Not just a John Hughes 80s corker, but a film with a message to put across too: make sure you stop what you’re doing and enjoy yourself once in a while, or life might just pass you by.

Best moment: a competitive choice, as there are so many. For me though, Ferris’s first conversation with Cameron, over the phone, makes me giggle every time. Listen out for the way the score changes between a Hawaiian style tune for Ferris and pure music of doom for Cameron. ‘When Moses was in Egypt’s land, let my Cameron gooooo……’ Oh, and obviously the parade scene:

2. Son of Rambow – I watched this for the first time the other night, and I had no idea whether it would end well or in a way that would traumatically scar me for life. Luckily it was the former. Centring around two boys from different backgrounds who become ‘blood brothers’ and make their own film, inspired by Rambo. Both young leads are fantastic, and it made me want to be a young boy in the 80s (something I’d have previously thought quite hard to achieve.) The shots themselves are beautiful – often as visually appealing as a Sofia Coppolla film – an odd comparison, but as a sweeping generalisation I find female directors often exhibit more visual flare in films. Also look out for a fantastically British Ed Westwick.

Best moment: again, so many. But it’s a tie for me between any shot involving French exchange student Didier Revol, and the rave-like party in the sixth form common room.

3. 8 Femmes (8 Women) – A film by Francois Ozon that sadly went a bit under the UK radar. It might be because it’s such a spectacularly French film that us Brits might have found it a little bizarre and somewhat disjointed. A pastiche of a 1950s murder mystery set in a country house, the film features everyone from Virginie Ledoyen to Catherine Deneuve, and one of my favourite Gallic actresses, Isabelle Huppert. The film gets camper and camper before your very eyes, and features all your favourite French actresses singing various popular French hits. It really does have to be seen to be believed. Seeing Catherine Deneuve grappling with a woman on the floor will stay in your head, whether you’re a straight man, a straight woman, a gay man, or a lesbian.

Best moment: The dance routine that the youngest member of the household (Ludivine Sagnier) performs in her pajamas, to the song ‘Papa t’es plus dans l’coup’ – see below.

4. Clueless – Another girlie entry, and one that I must admit I know most of the words to. You can’t beat this modern update of Jane Austen’s Emma, and as far as I’m concerned, this was the original teen movie, and the best. It certainly has more heart that most of the films made within this genre in the noughties. Alicia Silverstone is perfectly cast as the cheerful yet initially rather spoilt teenager who really does want the best for everyone around her.

Best moment: The brief exchange between Cher’s father and her ‘date’ for the night, Christian. ‘What’s with you, kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis Jr left an opening in the Rat Pack?’

5. Wayne’s World – an antidote to my previous two girlie films. I’ve been watching Wayne’s World since I was about 8, and I haven’t got bored of it yet. From the infamous Bohemian Rhapsody car journey at the start to closing minutes of the film, this is a cinematic classic. I dare you to watch it and feel miserable (it’s impossible). And then I dare you to go round talking in 90s slang for the rest of the week.

Best moment: Anything involving Wayne’s ex girlfriend Stacey, but really, most moments are ‘right on’.

N.B. If you’re a Wayne’s World fanatic like me, why not come along to the ‘Schwing Along’ at the Prince Charles Cinema, just off Leicester Square? Tickets are £12.50, and include entry to a ’90s grunge party’ – dressing up strongly encourage – and the film itself. Click here to check it out, and maybe I’ll see you there: http://princecharlescinema.com/events/events.php?seasonanchor=wayne

6. Sixty Six – Another one where you have no idea if it’ll end well or in total carnage. The premise is this: a boy is planning his Bar Mitzvah, which ends up clashing with the England World Cup final. He dreams of the perfect event, and spends hours sorting out things like place settings. Absolutely made by the young lead of the film, look out for scenes where he tests ‘cocktails’ out on his brother. Also features the spectacular Helena Bonham-Carter in one of her trademark ‘slightly batty mother’ roles.

Best moment: unquestionably, the end. I’m not giving away any more than that, so you’ll have to watch it.

7. Let’s Make Love – I was always going to feature a Marilyn Monroe film in any list of misery-busting movies. Monroe is absolutely luminous on any screen, but ‘Let’s Make Love’ trumped ‘Some Like it Hot’ in this list for me. Firstly, I like to mostly stay off the beaten track with my film choices, and secondly because it’s such an undeservedly overlooked film. A high-powered French businessman (Yves Montand) is planning on shutting down a local community theatre in New York. He goes down to visit it, and sees Monroe performing, and falls for her straight away, naturally. While he’s sitting there watching her, a director plucks him up, assuming he’s here to audition for the show….as an impersonation of himself. He gets the part. Hilarity ensues. It also features the Niles Crane of the 50s and 60s, Tony Randall. Ahead of its time in many ways, I really do recommend this.

Best moment: A tie between the dance number for ‘Specialization’ (Marilyn at her best), and the scene where Yves Montand hires some experts to teach him to dance and sing. The experts are Gene Kelly and Bing Crosby.

8. Easy Virtue – Without a doubt, one of my favourite films of recent years. It’s one of those typically English, PG Wodehousian, big country house romps. Son of the household returns home with an American bride (Jessica Biel). And not just any American bride, a racing driver with a rather murky romantic past at that. Jessica Biel is my hero in this film, and perfect in the role. An icy Kristin Scott-Thomas reigns supreme, with Colin Firth as her rather put-upon husband. Another part comedy, part musical entry, but a great one to watch if you find yourself feeling a bit of an outsider.

Best moment: The dance scene near the end. You’ll be completely and utterly on Biel’s side.