Author Archives: ameliaflorencesimmons

Cornwall Part One

Posted in Adventures, Girl About Town by

Hi darling readers!

In an attempt to redeem my blog from being the digital equivalent of an empty plain with tumbleweed blowing across it, I’ve fearlessly tracked down some rogue WiFi in a Cornish cafe, which is where you find me today. Oh, it’s been a lark, this week. Holidays! Lovely lovely hols. However, the precise timing of my long awaited vacation (I violently refuse to say the ghastly phrase ‘staycation’ thank you ever so much) has coincided with a bit of a rush time in terms of job application deadlines. Yes, I’m back in the game. That’s IN the game, not ON the game, in case you read that rather too quickly.

Is it insane to say I’m really enjoying applying for jobs? I haven’t needed to use my CV in over a year – the work I’ve got I’ve chatted my way in to, and I’ve been furiously busy creating my own opportunities. I’ve been enjoying it an awful lot, but I’m suddenly craving a bit of structure, because as previously discussed, I’m not too brillo pads with not having much to do. It started with Edinburgh Festival applications. I’m hoping this year to finally achieve my goal and get up to the Festival, a feat I didn’t manage during my English & Drama degree, or in years of doing productions. El failio, as the Mexicans say. So this is the year! Come hell or high water – and I hear that’s exactly what Scotland’s like in August – I’m going.

Rather luckily, the simple act of getting out of my house has turned me into a working MACHINE. I kind of knew it would. I desperately needed a change of environment, and a place where I wouldn’t get distracted by stuff around the house. I think I’ve pretty much turned something in every day, I’ve rejigged my CV, I’ve written some articles, done an exhaustive application for one of the Edinburgh venues (I imagine the process of relocating to another country is probably less complicated), and while I was at it, I’ve applied for a few proper jobs too. Essentially, I’ve been angling after a part time job to work my own freelancing/writing/creative faffing around, because I think it may well be time. I know what I want to do, and I’m confident that I’ve started to build a really decent portfolio of writing, and begun to find my ‘voice’ (pass the sick bucket?).

Anypoodles. Cornwall! Yes, that’s where I was! The lovely St Ives. I’ve been there a trillion, zillion times (approximate figure), and as such, I decided to do something different every single day, just to keep it interesting. I’ll do another post on all the new things I’ve been up to, but for now, I’ve just shoved in a few not particularly interesting pictures of when I was packing, because I thought it looked pretty and stuff.  And I’m an idiot hole who likes to abuse her expensive Canon camera with photos of rubbish stuff. Yeeeah. There’s a few photos of insane stuff I saw around Ivey Spivey, like the Smurfs. More pictures of actual St Ives to come!

Clear Out

Posted in Challenges, Positive Thinking by

Again, big apologies for not writing on here that much lately. I just haven’t really felt moved to write anything, and I didn’t want to post a load of filler that had no meaning. I’ve been feeling a little….adrift, and not sure of my path. Not in a hugely overdramatic way, but I’ve wound things down workwise, as I’m off on holiday this Friday and needed to clear stuff out of the way. I’m not very good at not being busy. When I don’t have a lot on, I suddenly become very bad at doing the few tasks I do have to perform. You know the thing – ‘Yeah…I could do this today, but…I could also do it tomorrow’. Mañana….

I tend to take on more and more work until I’m almost frantic, which I enjoy – and I’ll just keep going and going, then things will get a bit quieter and I’ll feel all weird, and faff about a lot. I’ll write the same things on my To Do list every day, with no real intention of actually doing them. What I’m trying these days is a different tactic. I’m trying just to set myself ONE goal at a time during the day, then work through it. Because of my self-employed status, I’m involved in a wide variety of different projects, which is lovely, but there are always wildly competing priorities. I’ll sit down to one task only to find my head flooding with a million other things I have to do that are equally as urgent.

So now, I’m trying to approach one thing at a time, work through it, feel happy that it’s completed, tick it off the To Do list (compulsory step, do not skip) and then move on to the next. Days like these, I feel like I did when I was studying for my GCSEs, and I spent hours making a beautifully colour-coded timetable, and a lot less time on actually working. I can be a huge procrastinator, but with so many projects on, this actually sometimes works to my advantage. Sure, I didn’t manage to set up my online Etsy shop today, but I did write three articles, clear out my shoe collection, get some photography done, and work on a music mix. The art is in making sure the tasks I do to procrastinate are actually of some worth.

But I’ve been stuck in a rut of late, and not getting nearly as much done as I’d like. It’s like my energy has diminished. I feel like a computer game character; I can practically hear that beeping as the life force drains down. What to do? How do I get myself out of it? It’s hard to explain what it even is. I wake up and approach the day with the best of intentions, sit down to do stuff, and I just…can’t do it. It’s not difficult, but I can’t seem to get on with it, no matter how many times I ‘have a word with myself’. It’s really very irritating.

There’s one fail-safe way that works to get me back into the right frame of mind. Maybe you do it to? Essentially, I need to have a huge clear out. Getting rid of stuff and tidying up my environment is the only way I’ve found that’s guaranteed to clear my head. Luckily, with a little more time on my hands for the week, I can get stuck in. So here are some photos of my room/shoe collection, during the clear out phase. Check back in the week for the finished result (hopefully!) My shoes were particularly shocking, because I only tend to wear about three or four pairs on rotation. I didn’t realise I had over 80. I know it could be worse, but for someone who claims that I’m not really interested in shoes…well, it was pretty appalling. The local charity shops will be more or less covered in my stuff. Let the clear out commence!

 

Tuesday Tunes

Posted in Music by

I’ve been a bad, bad girl about posting lately. I just haven’t really had much to say. I took myself off social media for a day on the 29th, and then didn’t really come back properly. That’s all it took – the best part of a day away from it, and the spell was broken. And my rule with blogging is, try to only do it when you’ve got something of interest to say. I actually don’t really have anything interesting to say today (just going to put that out there right away) so I thought I’d swerve it by giving you all a list of some of my favourite ‘choons’ at the moment. I’ve included vids, so all you need to do is just press play. Happy Tuesday!

1. ‘Like this? Then try this’ by Euros Childs Wow. I heard this on Adam & Joe (as is the case with many of the things I find important) and I got sort of obsessed by it. It’s just a big slice of mental. But enjoyable mentalosity – not the awkward kind. The lyrics are amazing: ‘Hear that dog barking through the night?/Getting on my wick too/Put it in a car/And drive to a lay by/Dump it, pick out something new’. Listen out for the end, where he descends into a weird frenzy of different things he likes. Oh, and his accent is gorgeous. AND, he offered the album for free, but I think it deserves to be paid for: http://www.euroschilds.com/son-of-euro-child/

2. ‘The Man Who Sold the World’ by David Bowie. I’d never heard this until a couple of days ago. I’ve got absolutely no idea how. I’d call myself a pretty big Bowie fan. I suppose I like to discover phases of his music in an organic way (worra load of old WANK!) and hadn’t happened across this yet. Well, I have now. The song just gets me really excited, like it’s leading up to something incredible. It’s all the ascending wibbly bits (come on brain!) I can’t BELIEVE this was written in 1970. To my ears, it sounds so fresh. Enjoy.

3. ‘Smoke and Mirrors’ by Gotye. Waaaah. I wish everyone didn’t love Gotye. I want Gotye ALL TO MYSELF. I kind of thought Gotye had popped up overnight, but was intrigued to see he/they/it has been around for ages. I actually realised I’d heard ‘Learnalilgivinanlovin’ on the Whip It soundtrack years ago. I’m intrigued. He, Mr Gotye, has the voice of Sting. But if you listen to ‘Thank You For Your Time’, I’m going to put it out there that I’m reminded massively of Har Mar Superstar; which is always a good thing.

I’d encourage you all to discover the album ‘Like Drawing Blood’, but I’ve chosen something newer as I like almost every song from ‘Making Mirrors’. It feels like Mr Gotye (I must find out his actual name. I’m going to call him Gordon Gotye for now) has drawn from exactly the pool of music that I love, so there are these weird slices of, say, The Eagles, and jungle drums, or cheery swooping guitars. ‘State of the Art’ is probably my other fave, but ‘Smoke and Mirrors’ won out because it’s so moody. Listen to it it while wandering the streets in a long black coat with your collar turned up, scowling at people. Gordon Gotye really excelled himself on this. 

4. ‘Lucretia MacEvil/Spinning Wheel’ by Blood Sweat and Tears Oh man, I love these guys. That’s top of the line music criticism right there, that is! You’d be hard pressed to find much better in NME than ‘Oh man, I love these guys’. Seriously, though. If I’m having a bad day, I like to pop this on and go for a walk. Watch what your legs do. You walk in a certain way to this kind of thing. ‘Lucretia MacEvil’ has long since been my bestie of theirs, but after watching Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, I fell back in love with ‘Spinning Wheel’. This video is not great quality by any means, but I’ve put it in because I love their dance moves so, so much.

5. ‘Too Much to Dream’ by The Electric Prunes Mmm, garage-y goodness. I heard this when I was a teenager, and it was the first time music really started meaning something to me. It’s such a sweaty, pulsing, furious bit of music. While my friends were listening to Justin Timberlake or 50 Pence, or Cent, or whatever, I got into my original garage and a lot of 70s punk. Anyways, enjoy.

6. ‘If You Want Me To Stay’ by Sly and the Family Stone This is smoooooth. Again, I’m plumbing the depths of my musical collection for your benefit, and I HOPE YOU APPRECIATE IT. I really have nothing more to say about this than simply that you need it in your ears, right this minute.

7. ‘Do You Wanna Hold Me?’ by Bow Wow Wow Look, this has been pretty heavily weighted towards artists of the male variety. I felt obligated to include something by a woman. And what better woman to include than the luminous Anabella Lwin of Bow Wow Wow? God, I love this song. The lyrics, the music, the energy…I really believe that Bow Wow Wow were a phenomenal band, managing to satirise the very pop culture that they were part of – ‘Children I wanna warn ya/Cos I’ve been to California/Where Mickey Mouse is such a demon/Where Mickey Mouse is as big as a house’!

 

Things I Drew Today

Posted in Adventures, Positive Thinking by

Just what it says on the tin, really! Since the year started, I’ve been working certain parts of my body off on various projects. I haven’t really taken a weekend in ages, and despite my various bits of midweek indulgence, it’s been rather oppressive at times. Still, as a freelancer, I really shouldn’t be complaining about too much work! Anyway, I worked ultra hard to get things finished last week, as I’d booked in a weekend in Oxford with my lovely friend Lucy (might do a photo post later in the week). At precisely 1am on Friday night, I finished my work.

I’ve found that the freelance lifestyle has little lulls every now and then, while one is waiting on projects to be approved or sent back. This week is one of those blissful little lulls, so I decided to concentrate on some of my own projects, the things that I keep shoving aside for a time when I’m ‘less busy’. Today, I’ve been drawing for most of the time, I had a three course lunch, brushed up on some Bach on the piano, and generally had a rather lovely time. Here are some of my scribbles from today – I was playing around with Sharpies and watercolours to test different effects, hence why a couple of the drawings are dupes!

 

February 29th

Posted in Challenges, Positive Thinking by

I hadn’t given much thought to 29th February, I have to say. I’m certainly not going to be proposing to anyone, for one thing. Well…maybe to Cumberbatch, but very quietly, in my head. But that’s incidental. No – the 29th of February seems to be somewhat sidelined as a date in the calendar. Probably because, as a nation, we have a collectively short attention span, and celebrating something every four years doesn’t offer a great deal of income to card manufacturers, those arbiters of tradition.

I decided to consult the fount of all knowledge, Wikipedia. I wasn’t disappointed. After an awful lot of mathematical gymnastics used to explain how the day happened, I learnt that it was introduced as part of the Julian reform, that both Aileen Wuornos and Ja Rule were born on the day, and that it is also the feast day of ‘Oswald of Worcester’. Marv. From other websites which were not Wikipedia, I learnt that any ventures started on this day will apparently be successful, that – famously – women were allowed to propose on this day, and would get a free dress if they were turned down (win win!), and that Greek tradition dictates a couple will have bad luck if they marry in a Leap Year.

Phew. Well, that’s all marvellous, but what should it mean to me? I took enough of a beating over my love of Valentine’s Day – did I dare to speak up for a day that isn’t even remotely acknowledged as something special? Yeah, why not? As if I’ve ever needed any excuse for a party. So, what to do? How should I interpret the day? I heard an item on Radio Four about how people were planning on using the day to do completely different things to what they’d usually do. Apparently, the National Trust are also giving their staff the day off to volunteer for charities, which I think is extremely admirable.

I haven’t totally nailed down my plans yet, but I know I want to do something that’s different. So for a start, I am going to have an utterly technology free day. Nothing. I will be away from my laptop. No texts, no Facebooking, no Tweeting, no emails. This is a huge deal for me, and hopefully it might help me think about the obscene amount of time I spend looking at a screen. To go along with the National Trust idea, I’m going to sit down and start ploughing through some of the ideas I have for my charity work. I’m going to sketch. I’m going out for a walk.

Those are some loose plans at the moment, but I’d like to do something really different. If you have any ideas, or you’re planning on having an ‘opposite’ day to what you’d usually do, let me know!

“Just be yourself”

Posted in Positive Thinking by

Oh, what a horrible and utterly useless piece of advice that is, isn’t it? How ghastly, when preparing for a job interview or a date, to hear those words, that hackneyed and mostly meaningless phrase: ‘just be yourself’.

I used to hate hearing that. Be myself?! Be MYSELF? That’s TERRIBLE advice. How do I do that, exactly? Surely only the most idiotic and un-socially skilled amongst us only have one self. I’ve met very few people who have one ‘self’, and persist in maintaining that self through every walk of life. That’s one step away from being that person who goes ‘I’m just ME. I’m ME, alright? And if you don’t like it or you can’t handle it, then I DON’T CARE, because I’M ME’.

Ultimately, none of it made sense to me. I didn’t feel I had an essential self to fall back on. I was too locked in to various layers of social norms to trust in myself. I had manufactured myself too careful, as I’m sure we all do. Starting young, when you learn to behave differently in front of your friends than you to in front of teachers or parents, you begin to develop an extremely complex system of behaviour. Changes may be subtle: a slight lowering of the voice to imply seriousness (my friends at school knew and could imitate very well my ‘about to get told off by a teacher’ voice), or they may be extreme, a whole different way of dressing, or a different set of language.

But what is the self? Is there one, essential self? And these various guises are just that – a charade? Or does our ‘self’ exist in all the different incarnations we choose to perpetrate? I struggled with my ‘self’ largely because I am terribly easily influenced, and a magnificent imitator. I adapt very quickly to surroundings. My voice will change, I will speak on a variety of different topics, and I will dress differently. Every single person I know has a slightly different version of me presented to them. I’m sure this is the case for many of you.

This behaviour was particularly heightened in me because of my early experience with drama. I tended to blur into characters. I’d read a book or a play and – consciously or otherwise – mimic expressions, voice, looks. I didn’t necessarily do it to blend in, more to experiment with my identity. I believe that your teenage years should be built around trying out different identities. How can you ever be sure about something until you’ve given it a chance? My teens and university years were fantastic for entering this dressing room of identities.

I don’t mean to say that I swung wildly from one personality to another – I’m not deranged; but I did play around. I played at doing different things, being different things. It’s known as the self-schema: the projection of a different personality dependent on the situation you’re in. I played at being shallow, and rather enjoyed it. I was terribly, terribly serious during a lot of my teenage years, and it was nice to feel different. To feel free. And yet I struggled at times, because I’d…and bear with me on this one, but…I’d let my ‘self’ go. If you see what I mean. In the endless churning of being with different people, dating different boys, having different friends, I suddenly realised I didn’t actually have a clue who I was anymore.

I distinctly remember waking up one day and realising I had no idea what music I liked. One of my ex-chaps was hugely into clubby, dancey stuff, and I’d just listen to that. He used to ask me, persistently and slightly bemusedly: ‘but what do YOU like? What do YOU listen to?’ And I couldn’t answer. I didn’t even know. I’d learnt an awful lot at university, but I also managed to unlearn things as well. I believe it was all essential, though. I needed to let go. I needed to unpick everything I knew and rebuild it.

What I did was this. I developed a self. I began (again, mostly subconsciously) to cherry-pick the parts of my various selves that made the most sense to me. I made sure I read a lot, listened to a lot of music, and thought a lot too. I kept the blonde hair and more fun-loving side from my ‘vacuous years’, and combined it with the knowledge and intelligence from my teenage years. University was absolutely indispensible in the development of my ‘self’. These days, I am unbelievably comfortable with who I am. As I touched on my article about fashion, I’ve realised that interests don’t have to mutually exclusive.

It’s been a turning point. For the first time in my life, I know who I am, and I know what I want to be. I feel happy. I feel calm. I trust in myself. I am no longer covering up parts of my identity and projecting others. I’m no longer afraid to show my intellect, or in fact to justify myself for, say, thinking Barbie is ace. If it makes me happy, I do it, or read it, or listen to it, and I don’t really worry too much about what anyone thinks. That said, I will still NEVER be the person who says ‘I’m me, and if you don’t like it, screw you’, because I think that’s wildly impolite and bordering on sociopathic. No need to be unpleasant to people.

So the advice I have is this. Don’t just be yourself. Develop a self. Cultivate yourself. Have interests, and be interesting. Experiment. Don’t just languish away, never knowing whether you might secretly LOVE death metal, or roller-blading, or….knitting. Try EVERYTHING. Take every opportunity. Talk to people – so much of my own identity has been cemented by some amazing friends. Have a diverse group of friends and you can’t go wrong. Keep an open mind, keep learning things, and never just ‘settle’. The world is an unbelievably exciting place, don’t you want to get the most out of it that you can?