Author Archives: ameliaflorencesimmons

Why loving fashion does not make me an ‘airhead’

Posted in Fashion by

I’d like to write about a little subject that is very close to my heart, and something that has been bothering me an awful lot lately. It’s come to the fore because of a combination of factors, and a sudden realisation that there is a place for me, and there are a lot of people who see things as I do – which is terribly reassuring. I’m talking about fashion. Specifically, my love for, and respect of, the industry. It’s a bit weird to state that, actually. I find it sad that I should feel the need to justify myself on this front, but unfortunately, the reputation of ‘fashion people’ necessitates a need for this riposte.

When I was very small, I first engaged in my love affair with fashion, plummeting in head first. It started with costuming in films – mostly old films. I loved what miracles the clothes could perform. You could see the villain simply by the turn of a collar. Bette Davis, sweeping out of rooms, ably assisted by some supremely dramatic clothes. Hepburn (Audrey) clad in a series of gloriously sculpted black dresses. Hepburn (Katherine) husking away in her high waisted, pleated trousers…

I progressed to Vogue, and I have remained in a loving, stable relationship with the magazine since – despite the little wobble we had when they put Cheryl Cole on the cover. Twice. The pages of that publication provided, as I’m sure they have to many others, an escape from the daily monotony of school, of grey pavements, of high street shops. Inside Vogue a world unfolded, and I stepped halfway in, covering my walls with tear outs. I began to speak the language of clothes, of opulence, of fabrics, of concepts. I would go through, covering the information with my hand, testing myself to see if I could recognise who had made the outfit, going on the cutting of the cloth, the fabric used, or the colours.

I went to school every day in my uniform, and my body spoke the language of school girl, but my head said otherwise. I had found my Arcadia, and it wasn’t the one owned by Sir Philip Green. But did I suddenly start to lose brain cells? Did I feel my mind slowly drifting out of one ear? Of course not. I remain, as I was then, an intelligent girl. I attended debate club, I read obsessively, I worked hard.

Let me illuminate you, for those who don’t understand. Fashion IS cerebral. Fashion is about thought, about precise engineering and a slew of cultural references. Look at the catwalks and you will see something reflective of both society and the economy. It isn’t just ‘a bunch of girls in pretty dresses’. Every (good) designer will perform a series of manoeuvres, display a collection of little codes and cultural references that may only mean something to them, but might translate to the audience too.

As a lover of fashion, I strongly object to the stereotyping of ‘fashion people’ as vacuous, idiotic and shallow, but I’ll forgive you, because I know where you’ve picked up the impression from. Sadly, those people do exist. They only care about what they’re wearing themselves, what they’re eating, drinking or buying. Name-dropping abounds. Whole conversations can revolve around length of skirt, or what colour lipgloss they are wearing.

I’ve worked hard to align my love of fashion with my academic side, and I’ve been delighted to find girls who are of a similar persuasion – boys too, in fact. There’s a whole world of us out there who like fashion because it makes us think, but sadly it’s the vapid types that you probably all know about. I suppose I’m just a little fed up of having to defend myself. Of having to feel like I’ve admitted to something shocking, deep and dark when I talk about my secret love. There are times when I’ve practically felt the need to hand out my CV and an essay on Phenomenology I’ve written, to prove I have a brain. But perhaps that’s just me?

I don’t think it is, I truly believe there is a stigma attached to fashion. This saddens me. It may sound hackneyed, but fashion IS art. It’s tangible art that shapes the world we have around us. Whether you like it or not, fashion is always going to be ubiquitous, for the duration of the time that we all still prefer not to go out naked. In the Devil Wears Prada (sorry – liking that really IS a shameful secret), the Anna Wintour character gives a speech on how her assistant, Andy, may think she’s making a statement with her ‘blue sweater’, but in fact, the precise colour (cerulean) has filtered down from the catwalks, from De La Renta, and found its way to the protagonist’s wardrobe. Her outfit has, in fact, been “chosen by the people in this room”.

And it’s as simple as that really. Whether you like it or not, everything you choose to wear makes a statement about you. Throw on a black t shirt with a sarcastic logo and you’re a stand up from the 80s. Jeans? Well, don’t even get me started on the cultural heritage of denim. You may say it’s just a leather jacket – I say it’s James Dean. Frankly, I believe that everyone should wear whatever they like. ‘What not to wear’ articles are an abomination and detrimental to everybody. Like it? Wear it. It still means something.

That’s why my ‘what I’m wearing’ will look less like “today I’m wearing a blue skirt and white shirt’ and more like “today I am dressed as a doomed Chekhov heroine going to a country party which will do doubt unravel at alarming speed’. It makes perfect sense to me. I costume myself, and fashion – clothes – afford me that ability. I can sculpt my personality through my wardrobe choices. Feeling at odds with the world? Then it’s the swirling raven coat that creates a trail of drama behind me, the bitch fox fur, the belt with studs and chains. I am indestructible. I move differently, slicing through crowds, knife-sharp.

I have learnt that you can know how to write code and still love clothes. You can read Schopenhauer and be sartorially aware. You can nip off to a fashion show and then to the Natural History museum.

You must be true to yourself. To the girls like me – you must never, ever dumb yourself down to fit in. Don’t sand the edges off. I did, a long time ago, and I never will again. I am proud of who I am, and I wear my love of fashion on my sleeve, literally. Don’t blend in. Seek truth and authenticity in all you do, stay true to your artistic ideals and your knowledge. Keep reading, keep writing, keep absorbing. Don’t live a life on the surface.

It’s ok to love clothes, to enjoy fashion. Clothing can be clever, witty and thought-provoking. Seek to make sense of it using your personal system of codes and references. Remember, most importantly of all, it is never ‘just’ a piece of clothing.

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Twittiquette Special: Auto DMs

Posted in Social Media by

Or, Y U NO JUST TWEET ME LIKE A NORMAL PERSON?

Or, ‘How to Lose Friends and Irritate People’.

Auto DMs. It’s a sticky matter. A thorny issue. As one amusing tweeter pointed out to me, it also sounds “like a Tory MPs secret fetish”. Well, we all know how much I enjoy the secret fetishes of Tory MPs, but sadly that isn’t what it is. For those of you who don’t know what the source of my ire is (I think I’m turning into Charlie Brooker, slowly but surely…) I shall demonstrate in the following scenario. Our heroine – let’s call her, oh, I don’t know: Amelia – is sitting at her computer, whiling away a few minutes on everybody’s favourite social network (Hint: not Facebook)

INT/dining room. Amelia sits at the table, tapping away on her laptop. A ‘ping’ occurs; she has received an email. 

AMELIA: An email! How exciting. I shall do my excited email dance.

She does the ‘excited email dance’. It’s clearly highly derivative of both the ‘Birdy’ dance and also the Charleston. 

AMELIA: Let’s see. Could it be a book deal? A message from Benedict Cumberbatch’s agent, saying he enjoys my Twitter account and wants to meet me for tea at Sketch? A notification that my glam rock snakeskin studded trousers have finally been hemmed? Oh, no…it’s a new Twitter follower! Oh, HOORAY! I just love love LOVE new followers, how glorious. I shall look at their account forthwith.

She clicks onto Twitter, scans the account, and sees that the person in question sounds wonderful. A ‘wonderful’ account consists of some combination of the following: a profile picture of a moustachioed man, a girl with big hair, a love of ‘The Chap’, an obsession with tea, etc. This person meets the criteria, and AMELIA clicks ‘follow’. 

AMELIA: *Singing a little song* Ace, I am SO excited about my lovely new followers. I love Twitter.

‘Ping’

AMELIA: Another email! Oh! It’s a direct message from the person I just followed! Wow, maybe THEY’VE got a book deal for me! Or some hot tips on where to get macaroons! Or…well, there’s no end the exciting possibilities.

Peers closer

AMELIA: What? (Reads aloud) ‘Thanks for following my account? I look forward to talking to you?? PLEASE GO AND CHECK OUT MY BLOG?’ ARE YOU HAVING AN ACTUAL LAUGH?????? WHY? WHAT IS THIS ABOMINATION? I feel….used. I don’t feel SPECIAL. I feel like EVERYBODY ELSE. Waaaaaah!

She clicks ‘unfollow’ through the blind tears of rage, them proceeds to kick her computer in. 

– FIN –

Well, firstly, I think that was GREAT, and I have no doubt that the book deal will indeed shortly be winging its way to me. And secondly, I don’t actually shout quite that much at the laptop, but it does drive me nutso. And thirdly, that was an Auto DM. A little impersonal message that gets automatically sent to your account when you click ‘follow’. There are, of course, exceptions.  One tweeter told me earlier that she quite like getting notifications from a charity she followed, just saying ‘Thanks for your support’, and I think that’s rather sweet too.

But my issue is with business and personal users. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that there is no need for a personal user to ever, ever, EVER send an Auto DM. It smacks of the user thinking they’re being charming and sweet by devising a 30 second message that everyone will receive. They also might think that it’s a fantastic way to promote their website/blog/shop. It’s not. I seriously doubt that anyone will bother clicking a link in a tweet. Get the net! We’ve followed your account, we’re already interested! We’ve probably already checked out your link!

And the same goes for businesses. We’ve followed because we like the sound of you, not because we feel obliged to. That means we’ll see your tweets, and probably engage in a dialogue with you. Do you know what the real world equivalent of the Auto DM is? It’s this: you go to a networking event, and instead of going up to someone and introducing yourself/talking to them, you take your business card and either shove it at them or put it into their jacket pocket, then walk away without saying anything. It’s intrusive, impersonal, false, and ultimately creates a terrible first impression.  Do you know what I do to anyone who Auto DMs me, boys and girls? I unfollow them, right away. So there you go – you had me at ‘Follow’, and now you’ve gone and ruined it.

It’s like the guy who goes in for a kiss when you haven’t given off any ‘I fancy you’ signals. It makes me CRINGE. Now, just to harp on a little bit more about it: I can understand businesses doing it (it’s clearly only the misguided ones though) but not personal accounts. It’s like yelling ‘THANKS FOR BEING MY FRIEND’ at someone. It makes you look socially inept. Hey, don’t cry! I know I’m being mean. Maybe you genuinely thought it would be a nice idea? A little ‘thanks for the follow’ card instead of having to reply to everyone in turn? I’ll admit, even I thought about doing it at some point. And hey, if it could drive a little more blog traffic, then, why not?

Why not? Because it isn’t nice. It’s spammy behaviour. It means you’ve misunderstood Twitter; that you’re trying to skip the lovely, warm, organic nature of the site in favour of leaping to the ‘important stuff’. So if you’ve done it, and you’re a person who has a soul, then please, stop. It won’t do you any favours. I’m sorry. I know you probably feel like it’s a good idea, but it’s not. Fact is, most Twitter users will either ignore it completely, develop a bad opinion of you, or unfollow you completely. For the most part, I take approach numero three. Why? Because you’ve already essentially spammed me. So that means you’ll probably be inundating me with tweets about your blog/business/product. Oh, look. I forgive you. Come and have a hug.

If you’re a Twitter newbie and seriously considering this, then I beg of you – I implore you not to do it. Why not just thank the person directly? Or just engage them in conversation at some point? I’m sorry to be harsh, but you need to be shocked out of it. If you’re an oldie, and you’ve done this, then there’s no shame (well, not much). Just stop it now, it’s not too late. Let me be your Ghost of Christmas Future. If you do this and you think it’s a BRILLIANT way of running your business and refuse to change, then my @ symbol will never darken your door.

Once again, I have cracked my whip at bad Twitter habits. What do you think? Am I completely in the wrong? Send me an Auto DM and prove it. Go on. I dare you.

Twittiquette: The Commandments

Posted in Social Media by

On Twitter, as is the case in my personal life, I am a bit of an etiquette nut. I have a long list of pet peeves – things I see people doing on Twitter that are just so utterly silly, that it drives me nuts. A while ago, I wrote a post called ‘The 8 People You Meet in Twitter Hell’, and I had a lot of lovely responses. But bizarrely enough, it turns out that writing that post didn’t completely eradicate bad behaviour from the Twittersphere. Weird, eh? So I’ve returned with some hard and fast rules.

Twitter is great. I love it. I want to take it to Bora Bora and propose to it on a sun-drenched terrace. It’s great for making new friends, business contacts, finding out anything you could possibly wish to know…all in all, it’s fantastic on many levels. But some people use it incorrectly, and that makes me sad in my little techno-holic heart. Twitter is such a different beast in the world of social media. There’s a good way of using it and a bad way of using it. Ultimately, I believe you need to know why you are using it, and that means deciding on how you want to approach it. Determine what you want from Twitter – networking opportunities, readers for your blog posts, a stop to the eternal loneliness and silence of your tragic life, etc etc.

Anyway, I asked Twitter what got on their collective nerves, and the response was overwhelming. You poor people are at the end of your collective tether! Here are the results:

DO try to reply to tweets. (Proposed by @belledebrum) I’ve touched on this before – unless you truly are a superstar of epic proportions, and are getting a million tweets a minute – there’s not really a great reason why you can’t answer. Especially if you’ve actually asked a question to Twitter, and then you refuse to acknowledge polite and helpful responses. Look here, you. You’re on Twitter. Twitter is about talking to people and engaging with them. So sort it out. ‘Make up your mind and get in or get out’, as Hot Hot Heat once sang.

DO watch your language, jokes, and comments. (As proposed by @Alex_Franklin) It’s likely that you don’t personally know an awful lot of your Twitter followers, so you can’t possibly gauge what’s appropriate for everyone, or what will offend them. Don’t fill your tweets with swearing, or things that may be hugely offensive to people, even if it makes perfect sense to you.

DON’T make it personal. Hey. You! You with the endless chat about your amazing boyfriend! STOP IT. Save it for Facebook. On Facebook, you actually KNOW people, and they (hopefully) care about you, because they are your friends. They’ve sat with you and held your hand as you cried about your rotten ex, and they’re happy that you’re happy now. BUT WE’RE TWITTER AND WE DON’T CARE BECAUSE WE DON’T KNOW YOU. So please, for the love of God, just THINK before you post soppy stuff. I saw some adorable tweets yesterday about Valentine’s Day plans that walked the right side of the line. But things like ‘awww, he loves me sooo much, look at what he made me for dinner’? Nah, mate. I’ve already unfollowed you.

DON’T abuse the retweet button. When I listed ‘Chronic Retweeter’ as one of the worst Twitter “types”, I was inundated with friends who felt it was them. It isn’t you. Because you’re worrying about it, and that means that you have a SOUL. Why do people retweet a retweet of a retweet? Why? The worst is when it’s boring stuff! I actually – ok, I need to breathe here, because I am FURIOUS – I actually SAW SOMEONE RETWEET SOMETHING ABOUT MAKING ARRANGEMENTS. So, it went “@stupididiothole RT: @completenincompoop You cool to meet on Friday, mate?” What???? I DON’T CARE.

DON’T damage your business. Using Twitter for a business account is a very tricky…well, business. You need to do it just right. And purely offering endless promotions or constantly sending the same link over and over again? It’s bad form. And it’s more or less pointless even being on Twitter.

DON’T use ‘Who Unfollowed Me?’ Because we’re not six years old, and we’re not in the playground. I simply do not understand the point of these apps. It’s embarrassing. I’m embarrassed for you. Well done, you’ve ‘named and shamed’ me for unfollowing you, and in doing so, have completely proved why I was correct in doing it. Now get back to your game of hopscotch. Or drug dealing, or whatever it is kids do these days in playgrounds.

DON’T use auto-DMs. (as proposed by @RoseGallagherr) Why? Because the very use of them is a massive turn off. I’ve swiftly unfollowed anyone who uses an auto DM, especially if it’s a personal account. Seriously, there is no possible reason for you to use an auto DM if you are an individual. I once got this “Thanks for the follow! I promise to keep things interesting and not to spam you”. Well, you already have. Bye bye.

DO know when to drop someone from the conversation. You start off in a lovely Twitter conversation with two or more people. You eventually run out of things to say, but they go on, a huge orgiastic Twitter Love-In. And for the next half hour, you’re still being copied in on every single tweet they send. My rule is, if someone hasn’t replied for, say, two tweets, they’re out of the convo, so remove their name.

DON’T make digs at people. I really dislike this. It’s when someone sends a ‘general’ tweet saying something bad about you, or what you’re doing. I had this issue with one girl, who kept sending tweets that were very clearly about things I was saying. I sent a tweet thanking my blog readers, because I’d just got more views in 10 days than I’d had in the whole of the previous month. Minutes later, she sent a tweet saying ‘Just can’t understand why some bloggers are OBSESSED with stats. I’m just about the writing. Maybe I’m just different’. Nuff said. Reader, I unfollowed her.

DO keep it organic and DON’T flood. “Flooding” is the practice of sending tweet after tweet after tweet to promote your business or website. I suspect foul play, because there’s obviously no way someone could sent 20 tweets in a row without the aid of Lord Voldemort. You’re clogging my feed, maaaan. Plus, I’m REALLY not going to visit your website now, out of spite.

DO cheer up love, it might never happen. AKA, don’t send tragic tweets. “I always knew you’d do this to me”, or “I just can’t go on like this anymore.” Oh God, darling. Do I need to call the Samaritans? It’s not that I’m being hard-hearted. I hate seeing these tweets because I find it upsetting that the author feels that Twitter is the place for them. Again, Facebook is for personal stuff, Twitter is not. Actually, maybe not Facebook as much as, say, a therapist. Please don’t tweet like that, you make me feel all worried.

DON’T fish for followers with no good reason. Yeah, I’ve done this. We’ve all done this. Here are just two of the lines I’ve used: “I have 384 followers. Please help cure my OCD by getting me to 400”, and the other day, I offered a snog for the 600th follower, purely as a little comment on those people who keep promising giveaways at different numbers. It’s so tempting to angle for more followers, but ultimately, it’s a silly idea. The followers you get won’t be the right ones – or even real people. Specially not if you’re offering a kiss. Anyway, don’t keep pressing for more. If you’re a good Twitter user, you’ll get them by being amusing or informative, not by asking for them. Also avoid #FOLLOWBACK, #PIGGYBACK, #FOLLOWLADDER, and #FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GIVE ME MORE FOLLOWERS, I’M SO UNPOPULAR.

DO use “Proper English”.  (As proposed by @Captain_Char) Text speak is for texts. No, wait. Text speak is for idiots. Unless you are my current favourite Twitter account, which is the @Y_U_NOOO’ account (sample tweets: “GIRL WITH PRETTY GIRL ROCK AS YOUR RINGTONE – Y U NO PRETTY?” and also “VOLDEMORT, Y U NO USE MAGIC POWERS TO GROW NOSE?” Hilarious stuff) Otherwise, text speak is irritating, ugly to look at, and pointless.

DO watch your hashtags. (As proposed by @nbamford and @QueenB_Belinda) Unless it’s really hilarious, please take your finger off the hashtag button. For the most part, they are clumsy and overlong. Hashtags were originally used for bookmarking your tweets. I occasionally use them as a kind of non-sequitur, or something that negates the body of my tweet in a mildly humorous way. But overusing them is soooo frustrating. Like this: “Off out tonight #great #reallyexcited #firsttimeoutinages” AAAAAARGH. #annoying #soannoying #imcomingtokillyou

DO be humble. Cripes. Please don’t retweet every single compliment you get. Read the tweet, smile at it, and move on. I don’t want to read about how hot you look in your shorts, as commented by some random sleazy male. If you’re a business, then by all means do retweet, because that’s a customer testimonial and is nice to read. Just…don’t do it too much. But individuals? NO. Oh, and another one (proposed by @Wuthering_Alice) DO NOT RETWEET YOUR #FFs. I repeat. FFS, do NOT retweet your FFs. It’s utterly, utterly pointless.

DON’T retweet “celebs” who offer “life advice”. (As proposed by @CaptainChar)This seems to be a bit of a pandemic at the moment. “Will Smith” appears to have an awful lot of fortune cookie wisdom to be shared: “The only person who will love you is yourself, so go and love yourself. Right now. And take some photos” etc etc. Seriously. I’m pretty sure that ISN’T Will Smith, and even if it was, it wouldn’t be excusable.

DO use DMs if the conversation gets a little heated, sexy, or just long-winded. (As proposed by @aladyofseams) If you’re having a conversation with someone you know, and it’s about personal matters – or country matters – then hop onto DM. Seriously. Y U NO KEEP YOUR PRIVATE LIFE PRIVATE?

Yours sincerely,

Amelia, AKA The Twitter Dominatrix, AKA Adolf Twittler.

Chronic Retweeters will be punished as I see fit.

P.S. It’s a freaky coincidence that Voldemort got mentioned TWICE in this post. Or is it???

P.P.S This originally started as ‘ten commandments’, and spun wildly out of control.

The Valentine’s Day Conundrum

Posted in Positive Thinking by

Where to start? Well, you all know my feelings on the day. Yes, I can see it’s a saccharine, over-commercialised pile of rubbish, a Card Company holiday that doesn’t mean anything. But I still adore it. Why? Because I’m a cheerful soul and I truly believe that we need to grab any opportunities we can to celebrate something upbeat . I suppose you could say that I love love. I do. I love taking care of people, I love doing nice but silly little things purely because they’ll cheer people up or just make them smile.

On a typical Valentine’s Day I’d be found baking some heart shaped cakes, putting the finishing touches to a handmade card, popping off to the florist to buy a bunch of charming flowers, and putting together a playlist that would almost definitely include both Nina Simone AND David Hassellhoff (diverse!) This year, though, I’m single. For the first time. So how do I align my love of – well, love – with the fact that I’m excluded from this particular day on a technicality?

See, as I’ve just realised, your options as a single person on V Day are very limited. You either have to opt out completely, or you have to feel utterly horrible about it all. You can sit there, refreshing the Facebook homepage and seeing photo after photo of adorable presents, and chipper statuses. Statii? Anyway. That isn’t really my style. So what to do? What about a third option? I decided yesterday what I’d do. Seeing as this is my favourite day of all the commercialised holidays, I chose to embrace it wholeheartedly.

Because you know what? There are heaps of us who are single today. It means absolutely bugger all, but it doesn’t change the fact that we’re still being subjected to a day that is purely for couples alone. I chose to adopt the approach that this was a day about love in general. I decided instead of swerving Twitter for the whole day – or worse, going on and posting depressed updates – I’d wade right in and be Aphrodite for the day.

I refuse to let anyone feel bad about today. And the thing is, you can brush if off all you like and say ‘it’s only a silly commercial bit of rubbish’, but as long as I can see people commenting on how thoroughly wonderful their relationship is, then there will be a need for someone to rally the troops and cheer people up. I rarely feel self-pitying; I haven’t even been single for a particularly long period of time, and I’m actually rather enjoying it. But today? When I see the photos of flowers, cake, and kittens (really) people have been given by the person who thinks they are really, truly ACE? I’m afraid to say it makes me feel a little lonely, a little sad, and a little bit excluded.

So I hope you’ll forgive me for interpreting the day in my own way. I’m sorry that it’s not in ‘keeping’ with the spirit of the holiday that I am choosing to show love to my friends, but hey. The actual St Valentine was imprisoned and beheaded, so, let’s not talk about the true meaning of the day too much, shall we? What is a relationship? Having someone who goes through the bad times with you and holds your hand. Someone who thinks you are wonderful the way you are. Someone who thinks about nice little things to do for you and does them. That description? That’s my friends. I really, truly love my friends, and I won’t make any apologies for the fact that I want to think about them and appreciate them on a day that celebrates love. My friends are AMAZING and I owe them a great deal.

If I’ve misunderstood the point of the day, then please, just indulge me. I personally don’t have the luxury of a boyfriend who will be looking after me all day and whipping me off to dinner, so let me be happy in my own way and have a bit of a Twitter love-in with chums. If I want to give people compliments, virtual bouquets of peonies, and a YouTube link to a soppy song, then that’s my prerogative. I should NOT have to be excluded from a day because I so happen to be single, and neither should anyone else I know. No one should EVER feel rubbish about themselves because a day dictates it.

Also, have you seen the news lately? There is so much to make us miserable out there, every single bloody day. I think Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to concentrate on what makes us happy, to celebrate our loved ones, and to eat an awful lot of heart-shaped sweets. If I want to salve everybody’s slightly aching hearts, then let me do it. I know I’m as soft and fluffy as a marshmallow, but it’s too late to change now. If working in a call centre didn’t beat the inner happiness out of me, then nothing will. Come on. Don’t crush my spirit. You can take my life, but you cannae take my soft-centre.

So in the meantime, come down to Twitter and follow me @ameliafsimmons for a day full of whimsy, compliments, larking about, and general cheeriness. I’m sorry (not really sorry, though) that I won’t be submitting to the cultural stereotype and weeping to Adele while stuffing my gob full of Ben & Jerry’s. I’m sorry (I’m still really not) that I will hold my head high and wish anyone who will listen a Happy Valentine’s Day. I’m sorry (still definitely not) that I will hold Valentine’s Day in my heart, and…oh, hang on. I’m getting mixed up with ‘A Christmas Carol’.

But “joking” aside. Go and tell someone you care about them. I know we shouldn’t need a day to do it on, but we do, really, don’t we? Because we don’t do it often enough. Don’t be shy, don’t be sad, and do just enjoy it. It’s only one day a year, after all.

I LOVE YOU, BYEEE!

Amelia xx

Blogging Event

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Let me start by saying that I’m not sure I’m at all qualified to write this ‘review’, because I was only at the event for about 30 minutes, and was in a corker of a bad mood due to having to travel for THREE AND A HALF HOURS to get there, with no information from Southeastern. So I turfed up at The Only Way is Blogging hoping that it would really turn my day around. I’d booked tickets for this blogging/networking event ages ago, and had been looking forward to it ever since – panels of experts, insider info, SEO chat, and lots of bloggers to talk to. It sounded perfect.

As I said, my train journey was from Hades. So instead of getting there nice and early and hopping around the British Museum for a while as I’d planned, I ended up arriving about an hour after the official start time, and snuck in at the back. The room was packed full – a very long, carpeted room with the panel set up on a table at the front, and row upon row of bloggers sitting down. As I was so obscenely late, I joined a group of people at the back who were standing. I didn’t mind this at all, as it was my own fault (well, Southeastern’s, but, you know) so settled in to find out some info.

I was already feeling a little stressed and harassed after my journey, but I decided I wanted to make the best of it having trekked such a long way. Despite standing up, I couldn’t really see the panel that well, but I could just about hear them – still, I was extremely surprised that they weren’t miked up. At the Magazines event I attended at the V&A, there were only about 4 rows of people, so we were close to the speakers but they still used microphones and a podium so everyone could see/hear clearly. A thoughtful member of the hotel staff set out some chairs for us stander-uppers at the back so, I gladly settled down.

Ah. Now I couldn’t see any of the speakers. And I REALLY couldn’t hear what was going on. But that was primarily down to the fact that a wide selection of girls at the back were just talking amongst themselves! What?! If you’ve come to a seminar, why aren’t you listening? TOWIB was designed to be both informative and to offer networking opportunities, which is why there were big breaks scheduled between talks for people to digest/chat to each other. Sorry, (actually, I’m not sorry) but I find it the absolute height of rudeness that people behaved like that. Not even whispering – two girls near me were having a full blown conversation amongst themselves. If they’d just taken themselves outside the room (a mere few metres), they wouldn’t have caused a problem.

It was bizarre – I’ve never before sat in a room where so many people were just rustling and chatting, while there were people speaking at the front! The problem seemed to be more towards the back of the room, so it might have been the case that people simply couldn’t hear. That’s why you need a mic. It instantly gives the speaker authority and makes the room pay attention.

From what I could hear, the matters discussed were probably of more use to those just starting out in the blogosphere, and for that, I think it’s a great event. A lot of good, basic points were covered in the segment I saw (I also subsequently read tweets from the day, didn’t just base it on the half hour I was there) and I think new bloggers would have found it useful. It was also geared primarily to fashion/beauty blogs, so I didn’t expect that everything would be tailored to me anyway. I’m a massive geek, and quite possibly know more about SEO/site building than your average blogger who has just started out.

I think that it would have been a great event for me, a while ago. These days I know with absolute clarity what my blog is. My blog is ME, through and through. I used to think I wanted to make it profitable, but I now know that a) I wouldn’t be able to do this and maintain my own voice, and b) that whatever money I made wouldn’t be worth it. I love my blog. I work hard at it. I don’t expect to make a penny out of it, and I hope that lends a certain charm and authenticity. I have no issue with blogs that do make money – I do pro-blogging as a part time job, and the site I write for is set up as a magazine, and it all works perfectly well. I strongly believe that bloggers should be able to make money from their work, but my blog isn’t in that category. It’s a scattered pile of stuff that I carry in my head. And please don’t get me wrong – I am not saying that by not having advertising, that makes me better than people who do. It isn’t about that: advertising just wouldn’t fit with my blog and the content I feature.

I’m also used to dealing with PR companies and various agencies, but again – for newbie bloggers, having that info is really important. I want to make sure I’m not criticising the event here: it did what it said on the tin, and I’m sure if I’d stayed around I would have met some really lovely bloggers and picked up some tips. I read some Twitter feedback about not being fed; which I think is a little strange. I didn’t expect to get food from a £5 ticket!

So I’m sure if I’d stayed I would have got something from it, but unfortunately, after such a hideous journey, I just wasn’t in the mood. I was so hugely underwhelmed by the behaviour of some of the attendees, I really didn’t feel like staying. It reminded me of the behaviour of people on boring school trips, the girls who loll around at the back of the coach and make sure they let everyone know that they REALLY AREN’T INTERESTED IN LEARNING STUFF. If you’re not enjoying it, leave. If you want to talk to your mates, wait for the break. Or leave. Don’t ruin it for anyone else, or be disrespectful to the speakers. Anyway, I stuck it for half an hour and got so furious at the constant chatter that I buggered off to the pub instead.

Those are my ponderings. I’m sad not to have come home with food for thought and lots of blogger business cards, but I made my choice. I don’t have any complaints with the event; I think the organiser did extremely well to get it off the ground, and I truly believe it’s an important service that will provide support for new bloggers. My main feedback would be literally just to get some microphones in. Unless a panellist has been to drama school, it’s unlikely they’ll be able to project their voice to the very back of a room. Hopefully, that would cut down on the problem of rude audience members too…Because as you all know, I am the Mistress of Manners, and poor habits will NOT BE TOLERATED.

Do Something That Scares You

Posted in Challenges, Music, Positive Thinking by

I made every excuse in the book to get out of doing the thing that scared me. The Thing was scheduled for yesterday evening, and I’d known it was coming for about four or five months. That meant that I couldn’t even pull the ‘but I’m woefully under-prepared!!!!’ card. Thing was, I really, REALLY didn’t feel like it. I mean, really. The past couple of weeks have been utterly manic. While it may look like, as a freelancer/self-employed chappy, I just swan off to the cinema on a Wednesday afternoon, that isn’t my whole life.

Yes, I do take off on occasional mid-week jaunts, but to make up for it I work through the weekend. I stay up working til late. I wake up in the morning and hit my inbox. I think about work all the time. This last week it all got a little bit TOO much. When you’re a freelancer, you obviously have a variety of different people who give you work. You don’t leave your office at the weekend, or at 6pm, and leave your work behind. You need to be easily contactable at all hours, and when you need to take a day off to get some head space, it can get a bit sticky. I desperately needed that bit of room, but everywhere I turned there was a loose end. The emails, phonecalls, texts and tweets suddenly all started to build up and I started to drown a bit.

I’d manage to get a very sexy bit of flu at some point during the week, which meant that by Thursday morning, I felt like I’d been run over by a truck. In fact, navigating the tubes on Wednesday, I kept feeling like I was going to pass out. My voice had started to go. Then there was all the snowy weather and cancelled plans…all in all, I was getting a bit stressed out and a bit crap at dealing with stuff. I was trying to run away from my To Do list instead of calmly approaching it, and that was the worst thing I could have done.

Yesterday, I took action. I decided I wasn’t going to do The Scary Thing. Because of this decision, I then felt so guilty and awful that I channelled my energies into everything else on my list and actually manage to clear a lot of my work load. I was due to leave for The Scary Thing at 6pm. Around 5.30, I decided to do it. The Scary Thing was singing and playing my ukulele in front of an audience at a burlesque night at the Forum, in Tunbridge Wells. I’d never even been to the Forum, and it had been ages since I’d performed in front of people. I’ve sung in front of crowds before, but never sung AND played my uke. I was losing my voice, I was dizzy, I was exhausted, frazzled, and had never done the song in front of anyone before. Oh, and I hadn’t washed my hair.

What changed my mind? The fact that, deep down, under the talk about flu and potential snowfall, I knew I was planning on cancelling because I was just plain scared. I wanted to let myself off the hook. Thing is, if it’s only fear that’s holding me back, then I will always do it. If I’m scared, I know I’ll go through with whatever it is I’ve said. Whether it’s singing in the middle of the RVP shopping centre in T Wells on a busy day, modelling in a catwalk show, or agreeing to pull together a magazine pitch in a week, I’ll always do it, to smash in the head of my Fear. Why? Because I never want to look back and know that I stood in my own way.

I thought about this blog, and how it’s based around positivity, ‘just doing it’, and encouraging people to go for their goals. How could I possibly keep writing like this and telling others not to be scared, if I knew I’d completely caved in myself? My whole philosophy in life is based on stepping outside of my comfort zone, because then and ONLY THEN will good things happen. You can’t sit around in your room or in your office, expecting your life to miraculously change and get exciting. You need to do it yourself.

I am generally great at not letting nerves interfere with anything. I decreed this year would be ‘my year’ (I hope you’ve done something similar yourself), and since the year started I’ve been taking chances, making connections, smiling at strangers, going to new things…And things have already changed hugely. This year has already been unbelievably brilliant. Good thing after good thing has been happening. But to return to last night…I stomped all over my nerves, quickly ironed my dress, grabbed my ukulele and a make up bag and headed off.

I wasn’t remotely nervous when I got there and met the rest of the girls who were performing. Everyone was so lovely and really kind. I got dressed, Victory rolled my hair, ran through my song and chilled out, trying to ignore the flu-induced dizziness and slightly croaky voice. I was still calm as the audience filtered in. The photographer at the event very kindly came up to tell me I looked good on camera in the photos he’d shot before we started, so that made me feel a lot better. And predictably, ten minutes before I went on, I completely freaked. My voice suddenly started to go, I felt a bit shaky, and I just really, really, REALLY didn’t want to do it.

I did though. I stepped out there, looked into the audience, had a little chat with them, and started to sing. I think it went well – I had a couple of strained moments due to the good ol’ sore throat, but ultimately, it went much better than I could have hoped. Because, like Cinderella, I had to get home before the Lemsip wore off, I exited through the audience. I was still slightly scared that I would get pelted with a spare bucket of tomatoes that someone had on hand, but ultimately I was relieved I’d done it, and completely buzzing. No tomatoes – I had some lovely, sweet people saying they’d really enjoyed it, one girl asked for my card because she was getting married and mentioned something about me singing at her wedding, and another lovely lady was very enthusiastic and asked about where she could buy my CD, and took my card to talk through potential future opportunities with her!

So, not bad for the first time I’d ever performed like that in public. If I hadn’t gone, I would have stayed at home, watching TV, eating spaghetti, and feeling very silly. I still truly believe that if it scares you, you should do it. Even if you do it for the huge burst of adrenaline that you’ll get afterwards, then make it happen. It worked to clear my head – I’m suddenly able to focus again, I’ve ticked things off the list and just generally dealt with everything that’s come my way today.

Still not convinced? There’s a line in a Chilli Peppers song that always sticks with me, and it’s this: “This life is more than just a read through”