Oh gosh. I hate to start out by being negative, and I really, truly love the book ‘Eat Me!’….but. And it’s a big ‘but’. (Like the kind you’ll get if you eat too many of my cakes.) But, the recipes often just don’t work, or are missing vital instructions. It’s a shame, and a good example of when style wins out over substance. Sadly, in cooking, substance is what you need. My pledge to you, beautiful readers, is to give you the most accurate recipes I can, so I’ve tweaked this one. In the next few weeks, I’m going to be making the transition from testing out the recipes of others, to making up my own, so please stay with me!
Shortbread base ingredients
3oz caster sugar
80z plain flour
40z unsalted butter, fridge-cold and cut into pieces
1. Fire up the ol’ oven to 170C, and then set to greasing up a baking tin measuring 20 x 30cm. If you really can’t handle that, then 8 x 12in. Greasing up. Greeeeeeasing up. Yuck. You’ll most likely want to do this, and/or line it with parchment paper, unless you’ve got the best ever baking tin in the world, that never sticks (private message me if you do. I’ll be having that please.)
2. Grab yourself a bowl, and mix together flour and sugar and butter. Yay! You’re done!
3. So kidding. You’re not back in Kansas yet, Dorothy. Get the butter and rub it in, until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs.
4. Press the mixture into the baking tin, evening it up as you go, making sure it reaches into the corners. Bake in the oven for around 25 minutes, or until golden brown.
For the fudge filling:
1 x 397g can condensed milk
2oz soft light brown sugar
2oz unsalted butter
1. I’ve never, ever had condensed milk before. I found the experience really rather exciting….
2. So easy peasy – all you have to do is pour the condensed milk, sugar and butter into a pan. Bring it to the boil, then turn the heat down, and cook for around 7-8 minutes, stirring regularly. The Eat Me book by ‘Cookie Girl’ says something COMPLETELY different. Ignore. Me and Cookie Girl will be on Jeremy Kyle next Wednesday, working out our difficulties.
3. What you’re looking for is a slight darkening in colour. Don’t worry too much texture-wise. It’ll thicken up a bit, but when you leave it to cool, it will thicken even more so.
4. So, um, yeah….leave it to cool.
1. Melt the chocolate in a bowl over a pan of simmering water. You’ll want to do this JUST before you need it, because otherwise, it’ll go from solid to liquid, then back to solid again. Kind of like the way Cheryl Cole went from being Pugnacious Chav, to Nation’s Sweetheart, to Public Enemy No1 again.
2. Once the shortbread is cooked, cover with the fudge filling, then spread the white chocolate across, with a spatula. This will be tough! In fact, spreading white chocolate over fudge doesn’t get much tougher than this, as they always say on Masterchef.
3. While the chocolate’s still molten (brilliant word), sprinkle over the desiccated coconut and leave to cool, before cutting into squares.
4. Before you eat, you might want to book in with your local Weightwatchers group. Just a heads up.